I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i came on her dog
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
