how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
