dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
