Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
