if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
