What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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