I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize