I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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