I think my vagina is haunted
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
