my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
