so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
