Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
