i was born a porn star she said
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
