What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
