how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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