You smell like a Billy Joel song
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
