Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think my tv is drunk
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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