You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
