i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
