I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
