I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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