so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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