i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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