I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
