There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think i have two assholes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
