i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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