I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
