There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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