Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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