Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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