I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
