i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
