i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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