go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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