Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
