i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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