My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
