Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
