He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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