Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
