Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
