I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
