Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize