i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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