franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
