I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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