she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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