he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
