Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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