I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
