they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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