hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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