I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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