Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
