rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
