Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
