I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
