The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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