did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
