I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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