The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
