she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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