I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
