I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
