I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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