If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
