She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
