how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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