i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
