Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
