office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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