I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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