Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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