so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
