I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im calling her cock vulture from now on
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
