Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
