My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
