he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
