i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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