please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
