so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
