is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Found the puke drawer
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
