I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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